15 April 2011

If Only I Could Give Them Away...

One of the things that makes me an imperfect mommy is that I have days when I wonder why I ever had kids. I know, I'm not supposed to admit this. I'm going to admit something even worse... yesterday, my day with the kids was so bad that given an opportunity, I would have paid someone to take them away.

Of course, this feeling is fleeting and I don't really mean that I would give away my kids. Being a parent is hard work pretty much all of the time, but every so often, a day will be so difficult, I start planning my escape. I wonder how many other parents entertain these ideas. I certainly think that there are more perfect mommies out there who never consider giving there kids away. I also think that these people are probably the same ones with the patience to teach kindergarten or to work the toddler room at a day care. Saints, in other words.

As much as I love being home with my kids (most of the time), the thought of working in a roomful of kids all day long is my worst nightmare. And so on the days, like yesterday, when the constant stream of negatives coming out of my mouth is wearing me down, I wonder if I really have the temperament for this stay at home mom gig. Would they be better off with the saint at the day care center who doesn't get rattled even when the room turns to anarchy and she's overthrown by a roomful of paste-eating toddlers?

After a doozy of a day yesterday, which can only be described as a day of fighting - the girls fought with each other over toys, fought with me over what they wanted to do, and eventually fought with G over bathtime and bedtime - I'm back and ready to make today better. I might not be a saint, but I have a lot more invested than a paycheck or a career. I have a personal responsibility to teach my kids how to share, how to compromise, and how to sleep in a big girl bed. I'm sure at some point today, I'll dream of the perfect nanny coming in to take over for the afternoon so I can go somewhere void of screaming kids sitting atop bookcases refusing to nap and little girls whose sole purpose in life is to ensure that her sister does not have a better toy. I'm also sure that some day, I'll see EC share a toy with her sister without being told to do so and LR will go to sleep in her own bed without tormenting her sister for the entire afternoon. And when that happens - no matter how many years it takes to come about - I'll know that it has been worth it.

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